You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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