Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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