I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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