you're like a bully in the Christmas story
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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