The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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