that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
