is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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