well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize