I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
