good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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