____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
