don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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