what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
