tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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