my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize