idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
