You just made me feel so damn special
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
