having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
