dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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