hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
