I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
