I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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