I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
