I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
