Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
