Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize