Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
