i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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