Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just had sex bonerless
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
