i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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