I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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