I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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