You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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