It's Friday. Sex?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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