I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Houston, we have a blender
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
