If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can I color on your dick again?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your cock deserves a montage
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
