Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
