Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
