people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
