you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
