I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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