I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
soo... how was my night?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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