I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
