Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
