I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize