You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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