why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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