Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
