Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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