And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
