I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
