Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
