that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
