the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize