She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
