I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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