She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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