watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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