Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
