Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
