Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
