I checked into jail on foursquare
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
