You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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