On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
