Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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