gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Terrible idea I love it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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