Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
