I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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