drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
