there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
