I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
