I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
