I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
