he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
