I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
