is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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