peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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