Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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