he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
