so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
