I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
