New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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