...so i touched it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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