im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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