Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
