one might say we're banned from that church
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
