It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
