Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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