Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
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