He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize