he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
