I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
