I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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