you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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