Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
