Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
