I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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