I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
