She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
