ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
