I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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