I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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