Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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