apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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