At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
