Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
