just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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