Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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